Let us Muslim parents walk the talk!

Bismillah..In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Giving

Alhamdulillah today while researching for the Aaila magazine, I came across this excellent talk by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi. MashAllah he is an amazing speaker with so much knowledge of the faith. I feel so blessed to be able to benefit from his work, alhamdulillah. This talk is about parenting. He talks about how we can raise our children as good Muslims. This beautiful reminder has inspired me to think and write about this topic.

Parenting with Purpose & by Example by Sh. Yasir Qadhi

Children are amazing blessings. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala teaches us that our children are our adornment on this earth. Just imagine a world without the children! They bring so much joy in our life, alhamdulillah. 

We can reach the higher levels of jannah (garden of paradise) through investing in our children. How many of us really reflect on this fact? Is parenting one of the major topics in our mind on a daily basis? Or it's just another chore as adults we have to deal with? 

Parenting is a very challenging job but it also is one of the most rewarding jobs we can have. As a mother of three, I feel worried whenever I think about the huge responsibility of raising our three precious children in this cruel world. Our societies are getting harsher and devoid of basic morals and values. Life is going to be tough for them when they will be the adults. How do we raise them as strong believers? Will they be able to carry on the message of our beautiful faith and share it with the people around them? These are some of the questions which keep me thinking. No wonder parenting is the most challenging job! We don't just get grey hair for no reason, I guess :-(

This talk does give us a guideline to follow. He talks about our role as parents. We, the parents, are the most important role-models, for our children. They will follow our actions , not our long lectures. Children are very clever in detecting hypocrisy.

How many times we have seen parents who talk the talk, but won't walk the talk. In our community, we see people who tend to start practicing the faith when they are in their 60s, 70s etc. Lot of time people have hopes (or rather false/long hopes) that they will have time to sort out their "religious" life before the end. Allah is very merciful towards us. That's why we do see the people who start following the faith properly when they are old alhamdulillah. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala accept their repentance and make everything easy for them, ameen!

But the danger with this sort of lifestyle is the kids get left behind. They cannot relate to their parents anymore. The two lifestyle clashes with each other. While the father is eager to go to the mosque to pray, the son wants to enjoy his time at the cinema or just browsing the net on his phone. The worse scenario is the kids start believing that they will also have time to sort out their life and eventually have a good end like their praents. But is there any guarantee that kids will outlive their parents?

Lot of older practicing Muslims complain that their children don't listen to them. The most frequent complain is that their kids don't have any interest in Islam. But how many times we think that the root cause can be the lack of interest of the parents when they were young. If a child grew up not living Islam with his/her parents, why would he/she be bothered to live Islam as an adult? If the parents felt that living a practicing life is a chore and waited to "enjoy" their life first before they can start following the basic rituals such as prayers, fasting, charity, pilgrimage (which are the basic foundations of our faith) later, why on earth the children would do the opposite? This sort of mentality also gives rise to the impression that Islam as a faith is boring so it's only fit for older people who haven't got any adventures left to experience. So young Muslims, forget about the faith, go "enjoy" your life! YOLO as they say... You Only Live Once!

This YOLO statement is quite profound for me as a Muslim. Yes I do live once so I better do my best to live my life as a Muslim before it's too late and my Lord calls me to Him. YOLO can also motivate us to do our best as parents.

If we really want our children to be good, well-balanced Muslims, we must first strive with ourselves to be better Muslims. Only through living our life as practicing Muslims, we can create a strong, healthy environment for them to grow up as better Muslims inshAllah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us the ability to live our lives as good Muslims and help our children to be better Muslims, ameen!

New Hijri year 1435 and the day of Ashoora

Bismillah In the Name of Allah (The Most Merciful)

Alhamdulillah the new Hijri month has just started . The month of Muharram is a very special month. Some hadith mentions that it is named as the month of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Today is 9th of Muharram. Tomorrow is the day of Ashoora, 10th of Muharram. A very important day for us Muslims. InshAllah we will be fasting today and tomorrow. And some people will fast tomorrow and the day after tomorrow to follow the sunnah of our beloved Messenger Muhammad sallallahu alaihe wa sallam. When he (sallallahu alaihe wa sallam) moved to the city of Yathrib (Medina) , he saw the Jews of Medina fasting on the day of Ashoora. The Jews used to fast to celebrate the victory of Musa (Moses) Alaihis salam over the Pharoah with the Help of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Our prophet (sallallahu alaihe wa sallam) said that Musa Alaihis saalam is more beloved to us so we will also fast on this day but to be different from the Jews we are recommended to fast one extra day, either the day before (9th of Muharram) or the day after (11th of Muharram). He also told us that this is indeed a special fast with great reward. 

 Abu Qatadah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihe wa sallam) was asked about observing As-Saum (the fast) on the tenth day of Muharram, and he replied, "It is an expiation for the sins of the preceding year."

Sahih Muslim Vol. 3, The Book of Fasting, Hadith no. 2427

Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) said: "I never saw the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) so keen to fast any day and give it priority over any other than this day, the day of 'Ashoora', and this month, meaning Ramadhan." [Reported by al-Bukhari, 1867]

Also, fasting as a form of worship , is highly recommended through out the year. This is one special act which will be rewarded by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala personally, subhanallah! Who wants to miss this great opportunity! Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is Al-Kareem, the most Generous. He doesn't expect a lot from us. One fast to do for the day of Ashoora and so much reward to gain, subhanallah! How can we not love Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala! 

The Prophet said: “Anyone who fasts for one day for Allah’s pleasure, Allah will keep his face away from the (Hell) fire for (a distance covered by a journey of) 70 years.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

The story of Musa alaihes salam is a fascinating story mentioned so many times in the Qur'an. There are also so many hadith about this great prophet of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Because of his advise, we pray 5 times a day and still are promised to get reward of 50 raka' by the grace of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He alaihis salam had a super-tough people to manage, the Bani Israel , the children of Israel. He knew what a hard job it was to convey the divine message. He never seen us, but he loves us so much and care so much. That's actually one of the amazing fact about our prophets ( starting from our father Adam aalaihis salam to Muhammad sallallahu alaihe salam). I hope that one day I can meet all the prophets bi'idnillahi ta'ala. 

As the day of Ashoora is near, it is also very timely to learn about the history of the massacre of Karbala, the brutal murder of our beloved prophet's grand son Husayn radiallahu anhu and lots of other innocent people. Lots of us are totally ignorant about this incident. Knowing the history of our Ummah is really crucial to understand our own existence and how to live our lives as good Muslims. The whole Qur'an is full of history. And the purpose is not to 'entertain' us but to educate us and prepare us as better Muslims who in return can hope to gain mercy of our Creator Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and live in eternal bliss after death. There is an excellent talk done by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi on this topic of Karbala, produced by Al-Maghrib institute. Do listen and take notes inshAllah ans spread the link.

The Massacre of Karbala: A historical analysis

Knowledge is power, or I should say, it's life! Without the proper knowledge we can never understand and love our beautiful faith. Only through seeking knowledge we can follow our faith with conviction. It's also very important for us as parents to educate our children with the proper knowledge of our faith. Our children love stories (and the horrible history series). I tell them stories of the prophets based on the Qura'n on a regular basis. And we discuss about it on a regular basis. I keep reiterating to them that  these are not fairy stories, these are our history and there is a lot to learn from our history. Alhamdulillah they do think about it and love discussing about all sorts of issues. As parents, we must have patience and ability to deal with their inquisitive minds. Just listening to them makes me wonder how close they are to the fitra. Children teach us so much about the faith and life in general i.e how to live life with contentment and happiness. 

To celebrate the day of Ashoora and the month of Muharram as a family, we are doing story sessions after school about prophet Musa alaihis salam. They actually want to fast, mashAllah. I told them they can fast half a day inshAllah. When we learn about Musa alaihis salam, we are not just learning about him. We are also learning about his great mother who had so much tawakkul on Allah to leave her baby in basket in the river, his sister who was so clever to approach the Queen and suggest her mother as a potential nurse for baby Musa, his loving foster mother, Queen Aasiya ( one of the greatest women in our faith), his supporting brother and prophet Harun (Aaron), prophet Shu'aib alaihis salam and his intelligent daughters, cruelty of Pharaoh, the bravery of the magicians in the palace of Pharaoh, characteristics of children of Israel (Bani Israel) and so on. So much to think and learn inshAllah! Let us study the chapters of the Qur'an which deals with Musa alahis salam and ponder upon them and derive some lessons to follow in our own life, bi'idnilillah ta'ala. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala accept our fasts and all the ibadah we are doing to sincerely please Him, only Him, ameen! 

Ramadan Reflections: Day 8

Bismillah

Assalamu alaikum dear readers,

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, I hope to study the Qur'an in this month to get closer to my Rabb. Just reciting or even completing the whole Qur'an is not enough to understand the real message of this great Book. This month is the month of the Qur'an and I hope to do my best to connect to it and gain the pleasure of my Rabb, bi'idnillahi ta'ala. I hope to share the gems through regular (hopefully daily) posts inshAllah. And I hope to keep it short ( which is quite difficult for moi!).

I have been listening to brother Nouman Ali Khan's series on Parenting. One great series, I must admit, mashAllah. One of the topic is 'Concerned parents' in the Qur'an. He talks about our father Ibrahim (AS). He was always in state of gratitude towards Allah subhanau wa ta'ala. As we know, he has gone through really difficult tests and trails in his life. From the very start of his life, he started facing hardship. Even his own dad was against his faith. One of the ayah (verses) brother Nouman went through is:

And remember when his Lord tried Ibrahim with His commands and he fulfilled them; He said: Verily, I have appointed you a leader for people. (Ibrahim) said: And of my offspring (will there be leaders)? He said: My covenant includes not the wrongdoers. Surah Al-Baqara: 124

After successfully passing all of his tests, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala appointed him as the leader of the whole humanity. This is a great honour but for Ibrahim AS it was also a huge responsibility. When we do something good, we feel closer to our Rabb and like to ask Him what we want. For Ibrahim AS as a very concerned parent, it was the perfect time to ask Allah to save all of his children from kufr (disbelief). He asked Allah to keep his children and the children of his children Muslim. But Allah subhana wa ta'ala made it very clear that He will not guide the wrongdoers even if they are from the children of Ibrahim (AS).

As a parent, Ibrahim AS was really concerned about his children and the children of his children and all the generations afterwards. He knew his children was his responsibility and he wanted to make sure every one of them remain good Muslims. There is a great lesson here. No matter how perfect someone is as a parent, still there is no guarantee that the child will turn up good. For example, Nuh AS was an awesome parent but his son refused to listen to him. Yakoob AS was a great parent. Not all of his sons turned out great except Yusuf AS. As parents we really need to understand that we may do our best but it doesn't mean all of our children will be good Muslims. 

This talk made me think deeply about my role as a parent. Yes I can understand that even if I try to be the best parent ever, my children still can mess up and end up in hell. The fact is whats the guarantee that I will not end up in hell. May Allah subahana wa ta'ala save us and our precious children from the Fire and let us enter His Garden, Jannatul ferdous, ameen!

As parents, we are the imam (leader) over our children. If we don't raise our children the right way, we are going to face the consequence of that. Allah will ask us what we do with the trust given to us from Him. We have to carry their burden too if we haven't done our parenting job properly. Unfortunately, so many of us are negligent of our responsibility as parents. The first 7 years is very crucial to inculcate good values and Islamic etiquette. By the time, our children are teenagers, (confess it or not) we start to face the not-so-cute side of them. Immediately, we start questing ourselves what went wrong. But unfortunately it becomes quite late! The damage is already done. May Allah subhana wa ta'lala save us all from this very sad situation we witness around us, ameen!  

As it's the month of Ramadan and people go to pray Taraweeh in the mosque at night, we see the naughty teenagers around the mosque premises or worse on the streets of London causing problem for the community. Antisocial behaviour is not just common in black and white youth in this country. Unfortunately quite a lot of Muslim youth has been playing their part in this regard. Sometimes I wonder, how much of their lifestyle is known to their parents. I guess lot of these parents go to mosque thinking their 'lovely' kids are at home, sleeping peacefully. In reality, they are causing sleepless nights for the people around them. I feel specially sad for the elders in the community. They are very vulnerable and quite scared by these antisocial thugs. I feel ashamed that lot of  these youth are Muslims. I guess they were never taught Islam in real sense. Or may be they have been raised with the basics of Islam but they chose to ignore.

I hope in this month, we as a community, will look inward and try our best to understand the problem and do our best to come up with a good solution, bi'idnillah. To solve any problem, first and foremost, we must admit that the problem exists. Let us be honest and sincere with ourselves and think critically what went wrong and how we as the parents solve this issue. 

"My Rabb! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and my parents and that I may do righteous good deeds such as please You and make my offspring good. Truly I have turned to You in repentance and truly I am one of the Muslims. " [Qur'an 46:15] 

Bad Trendsetters by br. Nouman Ali Khan

Entitled, "Bad Trendsetters", this thought-provoking lecture is by mashAllah the highly-intellectual and articulate brother Nouman Ali Khan. May Allah reward him for his brilliant efforts, masha Allah! His style of lecture is quite commendable, his analogies and comparisons made to today's lifestyle is usually spot on! His reminders may drive some up the wall, but it is totally necessary to teach many of today's (culture-based) Muslims who may have been brought up in a wrong way or two. Everyone needs to be reminded constantly that Islam is such a beautiful, simple yet complete religion and way of life. It is perhaps time to shake off those terrible traditions and cultures that one may have been burdened with all one's life!

Alhamdulillah, Victorian Muslimah has successfully added English subtitles to this video, which is adapted from the video first uploaded by NAKcollection's Youtube Channel. Its original form has been put together by the Islamic Institute of Orange County (IIOC), at Masjid Omar Al Farouk, Anaheim, California, USA. Jazakallahu khair for everyone who contributed to the making of the original video. Now with subtitles, this video is specially dedicated to those who are hearing-impaired, who are new to English, new to Islam or just wanting English subtitles to learn better and more effectively, insha Allah.

Bad Trendsetters Part 1

Bad Trendsetters Part 2

Bad Trendsetters Part 3

Bad Trendsetters Part 4

Mashallah these four videos are one of the best set of videos I have watched. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reward brother Nouman for his great work, ameen, ameen, ameen! He talked about two different sorts of people; the trendsetters and the trend-followers. I think most of us belong to the trend-followers category. Although he talked about our kids being the potential trend-followers, we adults are also , more or less, guilty of being among the trend-followers. Unfortunately, every single day we are facing societal pressure in various form to follow the trends around us. Living in an age of technology , it's so difficult not to notice all the trends :-( and get deceived by them and also people in the form of family and friends are always there to influence you to follow the trends. As a parent , it is a very daunting job for me to save my children from all the bad influences but I fear that as an adult myself, I have to , first and foremost, save myself from following the blind culture or tradition and be a role-model for my kids. THAT IS NOT AN EASY JOB :'-( Even being at home as full time mother and trying to spend lots of time with my kids, they can get influenced by society thanks to TV, Internet and so on. We have to be very careful and always talk to our children, explaining them why certain things are not appropriate. My children are still very young so alhamdulillah they do listen and understand us. But I am worried when they hit the scary teenage years when peer pressure will be there to haunt them :-( I hope and make dua that we can do our best to raise our children as confident and Allah conscious kids INSHA-ALLAH. Everyone need to listen to these awesome videos and prepare for the best insha-Allah. May Allah subhan wa ta'ala give us the tawfique ( ability) to follow our father Ibrahim Alaihis salam and be the best of Muslims, Ameen!

" Hold on to your kids "

Interesting talk by Gabor Mate....

Insha-Allah need to buy Gabor Mate's " Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers"

Love of nursery rhymes....

Bismillah...

My three kids love nursery rhymes. Almost every day Imi (4) and A'ish (3) love singing rhymes and Yosho (10 months) is more than happy to be the lucky audience! I have been doing rhymes since they were very young and I can see the improvement mashallah. Rhymes make communication easier for babies. It's a great way of spending some quality time with them. They have learnt quite a lot of new words through rhymes alhamdulillah. Imi has started nursery in September 2011 and has been learning more rhymes with activities. The nursery has given us a rhymes CD and on a weekly basis provide us with homework to practice whatever rhymes they are doing at the nursery. It's a good way of getting parents involved in childrens' education. I am a big fan of home education but yobo is not very keen of home education. So we have decided that Insha-Allah our kids will go to school but we will do our bit of teaching whenever we can. I have done my istikhara to ask Allah to guide to the right path and make our children have the best education insha-Allah. We have applied for the school we really want Imi to attend. Insha-Allah I am eagerly waiting for the result in April this year. I hope he can go to the best one insha-Allah or whatever else Allah subhana ta’ala decides for us. He is the best of planners and He knows everything.  

I am very aware of what Imi is learning at the nursery. Alhamdulillah the teacher and the assistants are very friendly. Sometimes it's quite difficult for me to do my prayers whenever I am outside. There is a mosque just in front of the nursery but they don't allow women in :-( It makes me so angry and annoyed but I hope Insha-Allah they will change their silly policy soon. Once I did try to pray there and one kind guy let me pray at the back of a house just attached to the mosque. I didn't really feel that safe being on my own with kids in an empty house. So I have stopped trying to get them to let me pray in the mosque. Once I asked the nursery if I can pray there and alhamdulillah they provided me with a room and mashallah with a prayer mat too! May Allah subhana ta'ala reward them for their kindness, ameen! Sometimes I see Muslims criticising people in the West but I strongly believe that most of them are very good and open-minded. Their characteristics are more like proper Muslims! We got lot to learn Insha-Allah.

Now, where was I?  I keep digressing :-(

Anyways, at the moment, the rhymes below are my kid's favourite...

Twinkle, twinkle little star
The wheels on the bus
Old Mac Donald
The grand old duke of York
Incy wincy spider
Baa baa black sheep
Row row row your boat
One two three four five
Round and round the garden
Ring a ring a roses
Humpty dumpty and the list goes on....

Everything is from Allah subhana ta'ala!

Bismillah... In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful

Sometimes I think how blessed I am , alhamdulillah. Allah subhana ta'ala has given me so much! Am I really grateful enough to Him? Through my action, do I really show Him my gratitude towards Him? I know that through showing Him our gratitude, He will give us more. Our beloved prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihe wa sallam taught us to make a special dua after every prayer saying, " O Allah, help me in remembering You, worship You and being grateful to You!".Insha-Allah I hope I can do my best to thank Him . Insha-Allah I hope to show my gratitude to my Rabb by raising my children as best of Muslims! Being a parent is not an easy job. Sometimes it does get quite challenging :-( but I try to keep reminding me that Insha-Allah I am a mother with a big purpose. I hope I will get reward from Allah subhana ta'ala for every moment of struggle I go through to raise our beautiful children, INSHA-ALLAH! Rabbana taqabbal minna...

A Sociology Lesson From Surah Yusuf

An extract from the AlKauthar Institute weekend seminar entitled "An Epic Journey" - Tafsir Surah Yusuf. In this video Sheikh Sajid Umar talks about the role of parents in light of the famous dream of Prophet Yusuf  (AS) It's a short talk on parenting from a sociological perspective.

Christmas dilemma

"Dear kids,

There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents.
Love,
Wikileaks"

I spotted this status at one of my Facebook friend’s profle and it just made me smile. Because of Christmas , the children programmes on tv are predominantly geared around the Christmas themes i.e Father Christmass, Christmass tree, lights, garlands, holly etc. My children are very young and they may not really understand the programmes they are watching. But I do feel worried sometimes thinking what if these programmes leave a lasting impression on their mind. Insha-Allah I am waiting for them to grow a bit older so that I can start explainig to them what we as Muslims believe. I don’t really want them to stop watching tv as that will not really solve the problem. They are more likely to grow up in this society so eventually they will come across all the different norms and values. I believe whatever they are experiancing in their life is part of the learning process. I hope as parents we will be able to raise them as balanced human being who will understand the differences and insha-Allah will lead their lives as good Muslims.