Yasmin Mogahed: The greatest quest: Steps towards an everlasting marriage

Bismillah... In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful , the Most Giving, the Most Loving

Alhamdulillah on Sunday 15th of November I went to the seminar done by Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed 'The greatest quest: Steps towards an everlasting marriage' in shaa Allah. I was really looking forward to her seminar. Couple of years ago, I started reading her writings. Alhamdulillah Couple of years ago, I went to her first talk in London at LMC organised by Al Buruj press, sponsored by Orphans in Need. Since then every year , I like to attend her events. Her book 'Reclaim your heart' is an excellent read mashAllah. I believe it is a must read mashAllah. 

Alhamdulillah as usual, her talk was full of wisdom. I did take a lot of notes . What I need to do now during this week is to reflect, discuss and plan what areas I need to improve in shaa Allah. I have been discussing some of the issues she touched upon with my better half alhamdulillah . As it was a seminar about relationship, it is very crucial to discuss with the spouse and work together to build a sound, healthy conjugal relation. Before I share my notes, I want you to know these notes are based on what I have understood from her talk. I don't want you to think that these are exactly what Ustadha Yasmin said. In order to truly learn from her , I will suggest you to follow her on YouTube and read her writings on her website. In terms of verses from the Qur'an, I have used the translation by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem's The Qur'an published by Oxford University Press which is a highly recommended English translation by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan. 

So here are some of my notes: 

First of all, Ustadha Yasmin explained the famous, frequently quoted ayah in almost every wedding invitation cards, "And another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect."Surah Ar-Rum The Byzantine : 21 

Here in this ayah, Allah is showing us a sign among the numerous signs in His vast creation. What is the purpose of a sign? The purpose of a sign is to direct us to our destination.  So marriage is one of the signs to our destination. This is not the sign but a sign among lot of other signs He has shown us. Our destination is be closer to our Rabb, our Lord, Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala. Marriage is a path to that destination, but not the ultimate path to the destination. 

We live in a society where we are deluded in believing that we as women are not complete until we get married. People quote a particular Hadith to back this mentality, saying " Marriage is half of Deen i.e faith" But what we need to realise that men and women are individuals who have the potential to be complete only through worshiping Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wholeheartedly. Maryam (Mary, mother of 'Eesa Alahis Salam) Alahis Salam is a great example of a complete woman. Was she married? Our beloved Rasulullah sallallahu alaihe wa Sallam informed us that Maryam Alaihis Salam is one of the women who perfected their faith. Popular media and culture give us this false impression that we are not complete until we get married. Sometimes we tend to think marriage is our ultimate destination. Just like the fairytales, where Sleeping beauty and Cinderella waiting eagerly for the charming princes to come to "save" them and complete them. But marriage is just a path among lot of other paths to our ultimate destination, which is to be closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala designed us with an emptiness which can be filled only through His remembrance. When we assign that purpose to our spouse, we are bound to feel disappointed. You have set him/ her up to failure. They will indeed feel like losers. And when we fail, we tend to shut down. We don't  feel like trying anymore. We are asking for too much from the spouse , assigning him/ her with superhuman job-description. So when the person continues to fail, he/ she eventually shuts down. And it is all due to having improper expectations. 

So what is the purpose of marriage? It is to help us to be better people and get closer to our Rabb, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Marriage is a training ground for our character . It is easy to learn the theoretical aspect of essential qualities such as patience, perseverance , honesty, trust but to act upon them, we must go through the training. And marriage gives us the golden opportunity to learn these crucial qualities to enable us to become better human beings. When you are a spouse, you learn to be patient, you try to control your lower nafs i.e your ego, learn to apologise. And that is why marriage is regarded as half of faith. 

We all have needs and our needs need to be fulfilled if we want us to be functioning properly and offer our service to others. Sometimes as women we make this big mistake of believing that our need doesn't matter. We give priority to the need of others, husband, children , parents, in-laws and so on. But we must have a balance. It is definitely not about me but at the same time, it is not like, my needs doesn't matter either. You gotta take care of yourself first and only then you can look after others in a better way. If you don't feel full and nourished from inside spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, you will eventually have burn out. 

We all have our needs , needs to be nourished spiritually, emotionally, physically. But these needs can never be fulfilled by the creations. Only by approaching Allah, our thirst can be quenched. Creations are by nature imperfect and in need of others. We as creations are by default the beggars. No one likes beggars but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala loves to be begged. Our beloved taught us to ask Him even for shoe laces. The essence of worship is dua i.e supplication, request to Allah the All-mighty. 

When we are nourished and full from within with Allah's love, we can have a healthy and sound relation with our family and friends. Only then we can truly love our family without the unhealthy dependancy on them. We no longer have the need to ask them to fill us, fix us. As a person who is full from within, you can offer far more to the family. The essence of generosity comes from being full already from inside. You become capable of offering others because you are not in need of others fulfilling your needs. So how do we get to that state where we can be content from within and offer others our service ? In order to build a strong relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala we must follow these steps below on a daily basis :

1. Prayer: We must be diligent in praying our obligatory Salah five times a day and at the fixed time. Never miss a Salah. Sometimes people tend to pray all the Salah at the end of the day, some miss the fajr  prayer at dawn. She gave a powerful example . Imagine someone is suffering from cancer and her oncologist prescribed certain medicine to be taken at certain times through out the day. Does she miss taking the medicine? Does she take all of the doses in one go at the end of the day? Or does she says that I can't be bothered to take it on time as I am on Facebook now? To have a strong relation with our Rabb, we must take Salah very seriously. Salah is the oxygen of our soul. When we don't pray, our heart dies. The very life of our heart depends on Salah.

2. Building a strong relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's Book, Al-Qur'an: Reading, studying, pondering over the Qur'an on a daily basis. Make a plan of how much you can read on a daily basis. And ponder upon the verses on a daily basis.

3. Daily adhkaar : Download an app which has morning and evening dua with the meaning. Make it a habit of reciting the sunnah dua after the fajr prayer for the morning and after the Asar prayer do the evening dua. 

So these are her three part prescription which she calls 'The Zikr challenge' unlike the silly ice bucket challenge of pouring ice on your head! So the Zikr challenge can help us to build a strong relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in shaa Allah.

"People, be mindful of your Lord, who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them spread countless men and women far and wide..." The Qur'an Women Al-Nisa 4:1 The essence of men and women is same, 'From you, for you', professor Abdel Haleem in his translation of the Qur'an says, 'From the same essence' Razi convincingly reached this conclusion based on comparison with many instances when 'min anfusikum' is used in the Qur'an.

He has blessed the married couple with sakinah , tranquility. When we examine traditional stories such as Romeo & Juliet , it is not tranquility that we find in their relation. It is more like torment and addiction. They were not at peace. Without each other's company , they couldn't survive. Death seemed like a great solution if they can't live with each other as they were addicted to each other. They become the ilah for each other, the object for worship. When we take any other ilah instead of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala , we become the slave of that object. We can't survive without the object. That's why we see people who literally live (worship) for their spouses, jobs, children etc, when something happens to them, they can't survive and commit suicide. Once Plato said, love is a serious mental illness. This sort of "love" popularly depicted by the popular culture is a serious mental illness. It is not healthy at all. 

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tell us His Book that when we take an ilah with Allah, then we will be tormented in this life and in hereafter. We must remember that no one can fill the void created by our Rabb. Only through His worship, we can be truly happy and feel content. If I make my spouse, my children, my wealth the object of my worship, I will be indeed tormented because they are never meant to fill us from within. Yasmin gave a example of a car which needs gas/petrol to move. Imagine instead of using the right fuel, I pour orange juice in the engine. It is bound to break down. When our focus is not right and we end up filling us with the wrong fuel, as a result we break down but we question Allah why did He do that to us!?! 

So how do we detach ourselves? The essence of detachment is keeping things in our hands instead of in our hearts. She told us a beautiful story of imam Abu Hanifa Rahimallah. Once while he was teaching his students, someone came and informed him that his ship has drowned. He took a moment to think and then he carried on his lesson. After a while the person came back and told him, it was actually a mistake. His ship is okay and on its way. Once again he took a moment to think and he resumed his lesson. His students felt curious to know why he did that. Imam Abu Hanifa Rahimallah said, when he heard his ship has drowned he checked whether his heart was moved by the loss of his wealth and he found it unmoved. And when he heard the ship was okay, he checked again the state of his heart and it was unmoved subhanallah. This is called detachment. There were lot of very wealthy sahaba (companions of the beloved prophet) who were detached from their wealth. They gave without any hesitation. 

Just before the lunch break, sister Shazia Saleem the founder of ieat (who sponsored the event) did a brief talk about her inspiration, lady Khadija RadiAllahu Anha. She was a very wealthy business lady. She was known as the princess of Quraish in Makkah. She offered her hand for marriage to our beloved Mummad Sallallahu Alaihe wa Sallam. When the prophet said he can't provide for a wife, she said she is okay with it. On her wedding night she gave a huge bag of gold coins as gift to her husband to honour him sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam. She was a great wife and she gave all her wealth to serve her beloved soulmate. When she died she didn't have a single coin in her name. Shazia said have we seen any wealthy person in this day and age who leave this earth without a single coin in their name. It is quite mind blowing to think what a great woman Khadija  RadiAllahu Anha was. No wonder she has been mentioned as one of the greatest women in Islam by our beloved prophet Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam . Her life story teaches us about detachment for Allah's sake.

"We shall certainly test you with fear and hunger and loss of property, lives and crops. But (prophet), give good news to those who are steadfast, those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, 'We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return.' These will be given blessings and mercy from their Lord and it is they who are rightly guided." Surah Al-Baqara 2:155-157

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala teaches us in the Qur'an that we will face loss of loved ones, loss of wealth, loss of efforts during our short stay on this earth. Our body, intellect, beauty, parents, siblings, spouse, children and so on are all gifts from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. They are in essence gifts. They are gifts for a limited time. No one can claim that he/she deserves the gift. Gift is given as a token of love and care. And the gifts in Dunya can be taken back as the verse indicates. Yasmin gave us a example. If she gives someone a car for ten years and after ten years she wants it back, can that person say no to her ? The car never belonged to that person. It was always her car. We must treat the gifts given by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the same manner. The gifts are a trust. When it is taken away, we are reminded to say Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihir rajeuun. Allah gives glad tidings to the patient ones. Imagine you lost one of your loved ones and someone congratulating you on your loss. Allah reminds us that we belong to Him. Everything we have does not belong to us. It always belongs to Him. The statement He taught us is not just a mere statement. It is an entire world view. 

When we believe wholeheartedly that everything we have doesn't belong to us then no matter what we lose, we will never question our Lord, "Why me?","How could you do this to me?" The response of a believer will be inna lillahi wa inna ilaihir rajeuun which reminds him/her that everything belongs to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and she/he should have her/his gifts in their hand not in their heart just like Imam Abu Hanifa Rahimallah. 

When we focus on the hereafter, the nature of our attachment changes. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reminds us in the Qur'an that this life is a place of play and amusement . When we are very young, we love playing. When we are pre-teens , we love to be entertained. "I'm bored!" is the most favourite statement of a pre-teen. When we are teenagers, we are obsessed with our look and appearance. We spent ages in front of the mirror. Just before going out with friends, finding a pimple seems like a disaster. Then when we are at college, university, proving that we are capable of achieving a good degree becomes very important. Then comes getting settled by finding a dream job, getting married , having children, having a great house, car , etc become very crucial. Our creator reminds us in His Book, that in this life we compete each other with wealth and children. They become our ultimate attachment but in essence these "attachments" will disappoint us because they are meant to pass away. Nothing in this world remains unchanged. And that's why Allah reminds us through the signs in His creations that we must attach ourselves to Him and His pleasure only. In hereafter, these obsession with self-image, family, career, wealth won't really help us. Only by having a pure heart which enables us to do good for His sake, we can enter the garden.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in Surah Al-Kahf , "Tell them, too, what the life of this world is like: We send water down from the skies and the earth's vegetation absorbs it, but soon the plants turn to dry stubble scattered about by the wind: Allah has power over everything. Wealth and children are the attractions of this worldly life, but lasting good works have a better reward with your Lord and give better grounds for hope. On the day We make the mountains move away and you see the earth as an open plain, We shall gather all people together, leaving no one out. They will be lined up before your Lord: 'Now you have come to Us as We first created you, although you claimed We had not made any such appointment with you.' The record of their deeds will be laid open and you will see the guilty, dismayed at what they contain, saying,'Woe to us! What a record this is! It does not leave any deed, small or large, unaccounted for !' They will find everything they ever did laid in front of them: your Lord will not be unjust to anyone." The Qur'an 18:45-49 
To be continued In Shaa Allah...

Twins of faith event at London ExCel: A believer’s Ramadan

Twins of faith: Knowledge & Action

Bismillah. In the Name of Allah the Most Merciful

Alhamdulillah I was able to attend this beautiful event which took place on 15th of June at ExCel. A timely event to prepare for Ramadan Alhamdulillah! MashAllah it was packed with beautiful reminders from Sheikh Sajid Umar, Ustadh Yahya Ibrahim, Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, Shaikh Alaa Elsayed, Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury and there were nasheed performed by brother Omar Esa and beautiful artwork by Mohammad Ali Aerosol Arabic.

And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers. Adh-Dhariyat 51:55

Alhamdulillah I have learnt a lot and I am super-excited about Ramadan which is due in 3 or 4 days insha Allah. I hope to implement the lessons I have learnt through this event bi’idnillahi ta’ala. Lot of my goals for Ramadan is based on these reminders. I do take lots of notes ( I don’t want to miss out any gems shared by the brothers) and my blog is heavily based on my notes Alhamdulillah. It helps me a lot to solidify whatever I have learnt. Also, I love to share my notes as it can earn me much-needed rewards from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. So if you are reading my post/note right now, please make a sincere dua for me that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala accept my efforts as a sadaqa jaariya, inshAllah. And jazakallah khairan for reading this post :-)

If you benefit from this post, please do share the link so that others can benefit too.

So let us begin. Bismillah…

Sheikh Sajid Umar – Taqwa Time – a look at the aim of Ramadan. An explanation of Taqwa and an introduction to the importance of Ramadan

The objective of Ramadan is to gain Taqwa i.e God consciousness. Taqwa means to strive to stay away from whatever that distracts us from achieving consciousness of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala in every aspect of life. So how do we gain Taqwa?

We seek taqwa through prayers (obligatory and supererogatory), fasting, the study and recitation of the Qur’an etc. Sometimes we wonder why we still commit sins during and after Ramadan. It’s due to us fasting only with our body, instead of fasting with our hearts and minds. Taqwa can be achieved only through fasting with the presence of heart and mind. We are not just mere bodies. We are hearts and minds. The sign of a meaningful Ramadan is that we don’t commit the sins we used to commit before Ramadan.

Sheik Sajid gave example of footballers who prepare tirelessly for the world cup. Lot of them went to hot, humid countries to train for the games in Brazil. How much dedication do we have to do our best in Ramadan?

Lot of us don’t prepare and keep procrastinating till Ramadan arrives. Then first couple of days in Ramadan we try to get our body into Ramadan mode. Sheikh Abu Eesa Niamatullah in his last LP (Logical Progression) session before Ramadan said that this attitude towards Ramadan is not a very healthy attitude at all. It is just a sheer waste of precious Ramadan days. Ramadan is not the time to practise. Sha’ban is the month to train our body and mind to fast with outmost efforts. Our beloved companions of Rasulullah sallallahu alaihe wa sallam used to prepare six months ahead of Ramadan and after Ramadan for six months they used to pray (make dua) that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala accept their efforts in Ramadan.

So what does the training involve?

Start fasting now! If you haven’t fasted the beginning of Sha’ban then fasting after 15th of Sha’ban is not recommended. Also we are not recommended to fast last couple of days of Sha’baan.

Start recitation and the study of the Qur’an now!

Let us start all the goals we are planning to fulfil in Ramadan now so that when the sacred month arrives, we are ready to increase our deeds insha Allah. Or as the Imam Shuhaib Webb says, "Lets dive in!" My beloved ustadha Uzma says, Ramadan is not the time to START our good deeds, it’s the time to INCREASE our good deeds. 

Sheikh Sajid told us to make a pure, sincere intention to just please Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. When we attend circles of knowledge (halaqa), we should make the same intention. Don’t even say that I want to seek knowledge that’s why I am attending halaqa. Just make an intention that we are doing it solely to please our Lord. Do everything to please Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala.

As a mother of three, I find life can be quite hectic and I am missing my spiritual me-time. I remember Ramadan before having kids which were easier to go for taraweeh in the mosque, listen to live talks, reciting the Qur’an, reading good books on faith. I miss those days but at the same time I believe I am entrusted by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to be a wife and a mother which are roles with great responsibilities. And if I don't fulfil my roles properly, I will be facing the consequence on the day of judgement. By looking after my precious family, I am worshiping my Lord. By having a sincere intention, I can change my daily chores into precious investment for the hereafter insha Allah. I must remember that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is aware of my situation. He knows my abilities and my weaknesses. So be positive and do whatever you can. Allah loves us and He is the Most Merciful. 

Ustadh Yahya Ibrahim – The believer’s brotherhood – The importance of true brotherhood in Islam. How Ramadan should bring the community together

Ustadh Ibrahim reminded us the deal we made with Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. We promised to utilize our life, wealth, and all the blessings to worship Him with Ihsaan. Whoever we deal with regardless of them being family, friends or a complete stranger, we must deal with Ihsaan which means always being conscious that Allah subahanahu wa ta’ala is watching us and do our best in serving others.

The concept of ummah is an integral part of our faith. The first step of brotherhood/sisterhood begins with family-hood. We must strive to be good children for our parents, good parents for our children, good spouses for our partners and so on. Family always comes first. As Ramadan approaching, brothers should not always have their iftar in the mosque or hang around during taraweeh and after taraweeh with friends while leaving their family at home. They should spend time with family and loved ones. The priority should be given to the family but there should be balance too.

Our beloved prophet sallallahu alaihe wa sallam was heavily involved in his community. However, he did spend a significant part of his life spending quality time as a husband, father and so on. He was a truly family man. Being good to family extends our lifespan and increases our provision. Ramadan is a great time to spend good, quality time with our loved ones. It’s also a great time to be part of the community. But we need to be careful that we don’t abuse people and their good nature. When prophet Muhammad Sallallhu alaihe wa sallam migrated to Madina, he paired the believers of Makkah (Muhajeroon) with the believers of Madina (Ansaar) according to their social status. The rich people were paired with rich people of Madina so in terms of lifestyle, understanding, they will be comfortable interacting and dealing with each other.

At the end of his session, he did a selfie with us :-) He always makes us laugh mashAllah. He said very soon we will witness jihadul qamar! The struggle/jihad of Moon sighting! We the "emotional Muslims" will get our weapon i.e keyboards ready to fight (i.e debate) to prove our point of view! The joke is funny but it is quite sad to witness the Moon fighting :-( May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala unite our hearts and enable us to compete with each other in doing good deeds, ameen!

Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan – Lessons from adh-Dhaariyat

Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan did two sessions. He told us not to compare us with others. There is no point comparing myself, a mother of three, all under 6, with a single sister who may have more time to do ibadah in the mosque. He said that sometimes hearing about giants of our faith such as Sayyidina Abu Bakr RadiaAllahu anhu, Sayyidina ‘Umar RadiaAllahu anhu can demoralise us instead of inspiring/motivating us to do good deeds. We may start thinking that they were amazing people and we can never be like them and we may even feel hopeless. As a result, we may not even want to do any good deed! He said we must remember that there were also thousand other companions who were striving with whatever abilities they had.

Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will reward you based on your intention and abilities. Remember having a sincere intention can make a very tiny deed very heavy in Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala’s eyes. And a huge deed can be nullified because of the wrong intention. So it all depends on INTENTION, a pure, sincere intention to please our Rabb, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala.

Ustadh Nouman talked about the lessons from surah adh- Dhaariyat. This surah is the 51st chapter of the Qur’an. Here Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala mentions the wind.

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

51:1.   By those [winds] scattering [dust], dispersing [it]

 52:2.   And those [clouds] carrying a load [of water]

The wind has a mission. It has a slow, steady pace. Wind directs the clouds with amazing dexterity.

Ustadh Nouman also talks about the beautiful sky.

51:47. And the heaven We constructed with strength and indeed, We are [its] expander.

51:48. And the earth We have spread out, and excellent is the preparer.

How many time we actually look at the sky pondering this amazing creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. In the Qur’an Allah asks us whether we can see any crack in the sky! The whole universe teaches us to have balance in every aspect of our lives. There is sign in everything. Are we really pondering over the signs i.e ayah of our Lord?

The earth is the cradle. Just like our mothers who hold us in their protected wombs, the earth holds our dead ones. When we look at the sky, it reminds us our purpose and when we look down to the earth, it reminds us our end. Sky and earth is each other’s complementary pair. Everything is created in pairs.

51:49. And of all things We have created two mates [i.e., counterparts]; perhaps you will remember.

Examples of pairs from the Qur’an: Musa Alaihes salam and Haroon Alaihes salam; Musa was very firm and Haroon was gentle so they complements each other, our body and soul, this life i.e Dunya and the next life i.e Akhira (Herafter). Our spouses are our complementary pairs. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala uses a very beautiful expression in this regard. We are each other’s garments/clothing. Just like our clothes cover us, give us warmth, beautifies us, protects us, our spouses do the same job for us, Alhamdulillah.

Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala tells us that we human being have a tendency to rush everything. He is our Creator so He knows the best about us. The Qur’an is like a manual which helps us to learn about ourselves and how to run ourselves properly.

He talked about how to progress in spirituality. We are supposed to make slow, steady progress in our faith. Become a beginner. Don’t worry about not being at an advanced level. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is aware of our state. We must strive to do whatever we can and don’t stop. Keep striving for His sake.

He strongly recommends reflection of the Qur’an in Ramadan. Plan to spend certain amount of time on a regular basis to study a verse with tafseer. Try to understand what Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala means by certain ayah of the Qur’an. And this is not some casual endeavour. It is a necessity as a Muslim to seriously reflect and ponder upon the verses i.e ayat of the Qur’an. Because, only through the serious, continuous reflection of this holy Book, we can have conviction in our faith. It will strengthen our hearts. We must make this Ramadan a month to unlock our hearts. If we want a thought-provoking, meaningful Ramadan, the Qur’an reflection is the key to it. By the end of Ramadan, we should be the thinkers insha Allah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala make the Qur’an the spring of our hearts, ameen! And enable us to live by its lessons, ameen!

51:50 So flee to Allah. Indeed, I am to you from Him a clear warner.

There are different verbs in Arabic to use for the meaning "to flee". The word used here isfafirruu which means to run in a way that you are trying to save yourself from a fast approaching beast! So fafirruu means running for dear life with the best of our abilities! Just imagine a deer running for its life from a fast approaching wolf! Does it just run casually without that much effort? Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala telling us in this beautiful ayah that we must run towards Him without any distraction and with the sole purpose to get close to Him. Our ultimate survival depends on this run towards Him. So are we prepared for this special kind of running? Let this Ramadan be the month where we do our best to fafirru ilallah!

Second/last session with Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan

He talked about how knowledge is becoming so specialised that we are becoming increasingly alienated from each other. Professionals of different fields are socialising and hanging with same groups of people and eventually getting sucked into their own special world. The more advanced we are becoming, the more disconnected we are from the people around us. He mentioned a brother whose Phd thesis is about the Qur’an being the only text which offers the kind of wisdom needed to unite the whole world. This world is becoming increasingly very fragmented and its very rare to see people being united.

He explained the meaning of arabic word "ayah" which is most of the time translated as verse of the Qur’an. However, the word Ayah has broader, multiple meanings. Every aspect of human life is a ayah or sign. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala keeps reminding us to look at the signs around us.

[And] who created seven heavens in layers. You do not see in the creation of the Most Merciful any inconsistency. So return [your] vision [to the sky]; do you see any breaks?

Then return [your] vision twice again. [Your] vision will return to you humbled while it is fatigued. Surah al-Mulk 67:3-4

How much we think and reflect about these verses? Do these verses affect us? Do they shake our hearts? By the end of Ramadan, we should be thinkers.

One of the meanings of ayah is the miraculous signs. It derives from the root letters which means to ask questions and shock us, to amaze us. We are supposed to be amazed by the ayah around us. Unlike Buddhism which tends to disconnect people from reality- the nature around us, Islam talks about engaging with reality and learning from the natural environment around us.

For a believer, everything carries a meaning. None of our experiences is a waste. Our entire experience as a human being has value. There is a reason behind every single incident in your life. The signs are there to lead you. When Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala talks about the people being deaf and blind in His Book, it’s the people who don’t take hid of the Qur’anic signs and the people who refused to see the signs around them. And that’s why they are described as deaf (not listening to the signs mentioned by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in His Book) and blind (being oblivious of His amazing signs around us).

This Ramadan one of my main goals is to concentrate on the signs i.e. Ayah in the Qur’an and look and appreciate the signs around us so that I can gain taqwa i.e God consciousness ( the main purpose of Ramadan mentioned by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala)  in every aspect of my life, insha Allah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala open our hearts to His signs and give us the ability to live our lives following the signs, ameen!

Cyber detox mode

Bismillah In the Name of Allah , the Most Merciful, the Most Loving

Assalamu alaikum dear readers and fellow bloggers, 

Couple of days ago, I uninstalled Facebook, Instagram from my phone. I lost count how many times I checked my phone as soon as there was any notifications! Instead of enjoying the moments with family, friends, I was obsessed with capturing photos and share on Facebook/Instagram. My eldest who is 6, complains that mum is too busy with her phone, laptop, ipad etc. Children are not naive. They are most of the time the first ones to spot the problems we adults go through. I realized I must listen to my son before it gets too addictive. 

My work as an editor requires lots of research on internet. Working from home gives me lots of flexibility but it has its shortcomings too. I don't have a break. While my husband can have a break after 6/7 pm during weekday, I am still working at midnight given I have to get the new issue online by the deadline. The magazine Aaila was born in 2010 alhamdulillah with the help of couple of dedicated and very talented sisters alhamdulillah. I treat Aaila as my fourth baby and can't imagine abandoning her. Alhamdulillah future is very promising for online magazines. My mission is to make Aaila a household brand. I hope that Muslims and non-Muslims around the world will benefit from the magazine bi'idnillahi ta'ala. 

Working for myself requires good management of time, great organisational skills, determination, lots of hard work. Ramadan is round the corner. InshAllah I am hoping to have a very productive Ramadan . I have been practicing to fast on a regular basis. First day was quite hard given my body was at shock, forced to starve for 18 hours. It triggers migraine. But alhamdulillah I am getting better at it. It's all about determination and practice. My beloved teacher says that Ramadan is a time when we INCREASE our good deeds instead of starting our good deeds. I believe the fast during the month of Rajab and Sha'baan helps to detox the body and get ready for Ramadan fasts. I also run twice a week for 30 minutes ( early morning). It does help to get the body feel fit alhamdulillah. If you can't run, at-least include brisk walks 15 minutes a day/every other day. And please try to avoid every sort of junk/fast food and stick to simple, healthy, fresh veg and fruits. Avoid carbohydrates and eat lots of fish, lentils, pulses and all sorts of good protein. Drink a LOT OF WATER.

Last week, I had a check up to see if I got diabetes, high cholesterol etc. I had gestational diabetes with my three pregnancies. I will be 35 this year inshAllah. I was expecting to hear that I have already developed type 2 diabetes, given both of parents have diabetes. Alhamdulillah I am still clear. I have even lost weight! I am 68 kilo now. My BMI is 24.9 which is healthy alhamdulillah. But my target is 58 kilo INSHALLAH. Given Ramadan due soon I hope I can get to my target quickly inshAllah.

So I am happy and content with my health but what about the well-being of my mind/soul? What am I doing to detox my most important part? We are what we read, watch, and think. I spend quite a lot of time on internet. I hope to detox my mind from over reliance on cyber world. To do so I have got rid of Facebook and Instagram from my phone as these two ARE the biggest time killers. It has been couple of days now. First two days were quite a shock to my mind, I must confess. My phone felt so useless and dull. My mind kept thinking about what notifications I have been "missing". Now I am feeling calmer. I am able to spend more quality time with family. I realized my poor husband and kids were the biggest victim to my over obsession with social media. My beautiful books were the victim too as they have been eagerly waiting in the shelves to be picked up and read with appreciation. I am also more aware of nature. When I am out and about with kids, I am enjoying the precious moments without getting distracted with the nagging thought of getting my phone out and capture the moments. The whole process of trying to capture every single moment just kills the joy of being there with loved ones. I have learnt the hard way but it's worth learning through experience. I am truly happy and content with this change in my life alhamdulillah. But let us see how long it lasts! I hope to carry on writing and blogging which is a passion of my life. I hope to share my experiance through writing inshAllah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala enable us to use our precious but limited time to live our life to worship Him, ameen! After all, we are created to love and worship Him. That's the ultimate goal of our life. 

First post in Bangla

আলহামদুলিল্লাহ আজকে অভ্র ডাউনলোড করসি। আব্বু অনেক দিন ধরে বলছিল বাংলা টাইপ শিখতে। প্রায় দশ বছর হলো বাংলা লিখি না। ভাষা আল্লাহ সুভহানাহু ওয়া তাআলার বড় নেয়ামত আলহামদুলিল্লাহ। আমি অলশতার কারনে আর অনেক বাস্ততার ফলে বাংলা লেখা প্রায় ভুলে গেছি। বাংলাদেশ থেকে ইংল্যান্ডে আশ্ছি ২০০২তে। এক যুগ পার হয়ে গেলো ! সুভানাল্লাহ কত তারাতারি দিন শেষ হোয়ে যাছে।

Learning surah At-Takasur

Alhamdulillah we have been memorizing the suah at-takasur. When kids are memorizing a new surah, we go through the meaning and tafseer i.e explanations (according to their level). I was listening to the tafseer today so that I can learn about the surah and pass it on to our kids.

New month, new beginning insha Allah

Bismillah...In the Name of Allah , the Most Merciful

Asssalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah dear readers,

I hope you all are doing great by the Grace and Mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. I have been quite busy last couple of months. The last post I did was in February 2014! I don't know where the time went, subhanallah! I have been missing blogging :-( I hope I can start again and be a regular blogger inshaAllah.

It's the month of Rajab, one of the holiest month of Islam. One more month till Ramadan inshaAllah! I am eagerly waiting for Ramadan. Let us pray just like our beloved prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihe wa sallam witnessing this month of Rajab, Allahumma barik lana fee rajab wa sha'baan wa ballighna Ramadan which means O Allah , bless us in this month of Rajab and Sha'baan and let us reach the month of Ramadan.

The month of Rajab can be the month to start preparing for Ramadan inshAllah. Our predecessors, the salaf, used to prepare for Ramadan six months ahead of the month and used to pray for the acceptance of their deeds carried out in Ramadan, for six months after the Ramadan. Their life revolved around the Ramadan. One of my teachers (ustadha) keep reminding us that Ramadan is not the month where we start our good deeds but the month when we INCREASE our good deeds. For example, instead of just starting the recitation of the Qur'an during Ramadan, we can start reciting the Qur'an from the beginning during Rajab and get into the habit of recitation so that by Ramadan, it will be lot easier to complete the recitation of the Qur'an in Ramadan inshaAllah. 

Recitation of His Book is no doubt a very rewarding deed. But understanding and following the lessons of the Qur'an ARE also a very important aspect of a Muslim's life. When we read a book, we read it with the purpose to understand it, to reflect on it. The Qur'an is the BOOK which is not just any ordinary book or novel, but THE BOOK for us Muslims. We know that this is our Rabb Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's WORDS, a living miracle for us. How can we afford to "recite" but not read with understanding?!? Our relationship with this Book will decide whether we can gain our Lord's Mercy and Pleasure. Ramdan is the month when this great book was revealed to our beloved prophet Muhammad salllallahu alahe wa sallam. This is also mentioned as a month of the Qur'an. Do we know the main reason of fasting through out the month of Ramadan? To gain taqwa, God-consciousness. 

Let us Muslim parents walk the talk!

Bismillah..In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Giving

Alhamdulillah today while researching for the Aaila magazine, I came across this excellent talk by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi. MashAllah he is an amazing speaker with so much knowledge of the faith. I feel so blessed to be able to benefit from his work, alhamdulillah. This talk is about parenting. He talks about how we can raise our children as good Muslims. This beautiful reminder has inspired me to think and write about this topic.

Parenting with Purpose & by Example by Sh. Yasir Qadhi

Children are amazing blessings. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala teaches us that our children are our adornment on this earth. Just imagine a world without the children! They bring so much joy in our life, alhamdulillah. 

We can reach the higher levels of jannah (garden of paradise) through investing in our children. How many of us really reflect on this fact? Is parenting one of the major topics in our mind on a daily basis? Or it's just another chore as adults we have to deal with? 

Parenting is a very challenging job but it also is one of the most rewarding jobs we can have. As a mother of three, I feel worried whenever I think about the huge responsibility of raising our three precious children in this cruel world. Our societies are getting harsher and devoid of basic morals and values. Life is going to be tough for them when they will be the adults. How do we raise them as strong believers? Will they be able to carry on the message of our beautiful faith and share it with the people around them? These are some of the questions which keep me thinking. No wonder parenting is the most challenging job! We don't just get grey hair for no reason, I guess :-(

This talk does give us a guideline to follow. He talks about our role as parents. We, the parents, are the most important role-models, for our children. They will follow our actions , not our long lectures. Children are very clever in detecting hypocrisy.

How many times we have seen parents who talk the talk, but won't walk the talk. In our community, we see people who tend to start practicing the faith when they are in their 60s, 70s etc. Lot of time people have hopes (or rather false/long hopes) that they will have time to sort out their "religious" life before the end. Allah is very merciful towards us. That's why we do see the people who start following the faith properly when they are old alhamdulillah. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala accept their repentance and make everything easy for them, ameen!

But the danger with this sort of lifestyle is the kids get left behind. They cannot relate to their parents anymore. The two lifestyle clashes with each other. While the father is eager to go to the mosque to pray, the son wants to enjoy his time at the cinema or just browsing the net on his phone. The worse scenario is the kids start believing that they will also have time to sort out their life and eventually have a good end like their praents. But is there any guarantee that kids will outlive their parents?

Lot of older practicing Muslims complain that their children don't listen to them. The most frequent complain is that their kids don't have any interest in Islam. But how many times we think that the root cause can be the lack of interest of the parents when they were young. If a child grew up not living Islam with his/her parents, why would he/she be bothered to live Islam as an adult? If the parents felt that living a practicing life is a chore and waited to "enjoy" their life first before they can start following the basic rituals such as prayers, fasting, charity, pilgrimage (which are the basic foundations of our faith) later, why on earth the children would do the opposite? This sort of mentality also gives rise to the impression that Islam as a faith is boring so it's only fit for older people who haven't got any adventures left to experience. So young Muslims, forget about the faith, go "enjoy" your life! YOLO as they say... You Only Live Once!

This YOLO statement is quite profound for me as a Muslim. Yes I do live once so I better do my best to live my life as a Muslim before it's too late and my Lord calls me to Him. YOLO can also motivate us to do our best as parents.

If we really want our children to be good, well-balanced Muslims, we must first strive with ourselves to be better Muslims. Only through living our life as practicing Muslims, we can create a strong, healthy environment for them to grow up as better Muslims inshAllah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us the ability to live our lives as good Muslims and help our children to be better Muslims, ameen!